Fierce Love – Episode 5
Transcript
Michael:
So we’re doing this off the cuff, right?
Mandy:
Yeah.
Michael:
You’re in my house right now.
Mandy:
Again.
Michael:
We were in the middle of a conversation and hit a spot where we said, “We should record this.”
Mandy:
We didn’t pre-talk about it.
Michael:
Nope. We just landed in something and decided to press record.
Following Intuition
Michael:
When I first got into my relationship with Bev, I told her something very clearly.
I said, I absolutely insist on living my life in a way where I follow my intuition wherever it takes me.
Not in a reckless way. I don’t mind talking about it. I don’t mind sharing it.
But I’m not negotiating whether something is true for me.
Because I spent a lot of my life not being true to myself.
And now, when I start to make a decision that isn’t aligned, I feel it in my body immediately.
There’s an acid reflex feeling. Something tight in my chest. My stomach shifts.
It’s distinct.
And when I feel that, I’m not doing the thing.
In the past, people have interpreted that as selfish.
But I actually think it’s the most loving thing I can do.
Because if I betray myself, resentment comes later.
The What and The How
Mandy:
There’s a really important distinction here.
It’s one thing to say you’re going to do what’s true for you.
It’s another thing to look at how you do that.
You can still follow your alignment and care about how it impacts someone else.
We talked about that last time — the separation between the what and the how.
And I’m curious about something deeper.
How do you know what’s truly your authentic self?
Because I’ve watched people say, “This is just who I am. This is my instinct.”
And sometimes… it’s not.
Sometimes it’s a story. Or a defense. Or even an addiction.
How do you know the difference?
Mind, Body, Spirit
Michael:
First, I had to realize that my mind is not who I am.
That was foundational.
We live in a mind-identified culture. Everything is story, interpretation, fear, projection.
My mind tells stories constantly.
My spirit is quiet.
My body is the messenger.
My mind creates stories.
Stories create emotions.
Emotions become feelings in the body.
Intuition also shows up in the body — but it feels different.
Learning to distinguish those signals has been practice.
Breath helps. Awareness helps. Slowing down helps.
If I’m hooked in my mind, I’m outside the moment.
If I’m in the moment, there’s clarity.
Cookie or Soul?
Mandy:
Here’s where it gets tricky.
How do you distinguish between:
“My spirit is saying yes.”
Versus:
“My inner five-year-old wants a cookie.”
Because sometimes the body feels strong either way.
Sometimes the urgency feels real.
But urgency doesn’t always mean truth.
Recognizing the Story
Michael:
You don’t always know immediately.
That’s honest.
The process is noticing the state of being.
If I’m raced up, defensive, trying to control, hyper-focused on details — that’s my mind.
If I’m repeating “and then they did this, and then they did that” — I’m hooked.
I call it the “I suck, you suck” cycle.
Either I’m wrong and broken, or you are.
Neither is true.
Something happened.
A story formed.
Emotions followed.
The story is usually old.
The “I Need” Story
Mandy:
A big one for me is “I need.”
I need this person to respond.
I need this to happen.
I need this outcome.
And when I ask myself, “Do I actually need that?” something shifts.
Because the things I truly need can’t be taken from me.
That realization creates silence.
Not argument. Not story.
Just quiet.
Discomfort as a Signal
Michael:
Discomfort isn’t a sign something’s wrong.
It’s a sign something’s being revealed.
If we think discomfort means danger, we avoid it.
If we understand discomfort means insight, we lean in.
There’s nothing to gain by shaming ourselves for having the reaction.
The reaction is real.
The story may not be.
Boundaries
Mandy:
Setting boundaries used to be really hard for me.
Even something small like ordering coffee the way I actually wanted it.
It felt easier to adapt than to state preference.
Until I realized: you can’t fill a glass without a container.
Boundaries are the container.
Without them, there’s nowhere for connection to land.
Boundaries Create Freedom
Mandy:
I had this experience at Burning Man once.
We were broken into groups of three — a receiver, a doer, and an observer.
The receiver set very clear physical boundaries for how they wanted to be touched.
My first thought was, “That’s not vulnerable enough.”
But what I witnessed was powerful.
Because the boundaries were clear, trust formed.
Because trust formed, both people relaxed.
Both people enjoyed the experience.
Boundaries created freedom.
That changed how I see everything.
Real-World Boundaries
Michael:
I’ll give a real example.
I’m in a business partnership with someone who isn’t emotionally aware.
There’s constant pressure. Direction. Micromanaging.
It triggers an old pattern for me — trying to earn approval.
For years I let it go too far.
Eventually, it exploded.
Not in a proud way.
But that explosion shifted the power dynamic.
Now I hold a quieter boundary.
I don’t engage with the barrage.
I do what works.
I don’t argue every directive.
If it weren’t business, I wouldn’t choose the relationship.
But within it, I’ve found a way to stay aligned.
Maintaining the Fence
Mandy:
A friend once told me: once you set a boundary, it’s your job to maintain it.
It’s a fence.
If there’s a hole, you fix it.
If there’s a storm, you reset it.
Other people aren’t responsible for maintaining your fence.
You are.
That’s empowering.
And exhausting at first.
Because if you haven’t set boundaries before, there’s a backlog.
You’re clearing piles.
But once the piles are cleared, it’s maintenance — not crisis.
Choosing Who Shows Up
Michael:
I don’t choose someone to be my partner and then demand they show up differently.
I choose someone because they already show up in a way that works.
That’s the inversion.
Not: “You’re my partner, so you should.”
But: “You show up this way, so I choose you.”
That applies to friendship, business, everything.
Authenticity and Safety
Michael:
In some relationships, I can be fully open.
In others, the authentic move is to create distance.
Authenticity isn’t always vulnerability.
Sometimes it’s containment.
And that’s okay.
Final Thoughts
Mandy:
Boundaries aren’t rejection.
They’re clarity.
They’re structure.
They’re what allow real connection.
Michael:
And following your intuition isn’t selfish.
It’s responsible — if you’re willing to do the internal work to know the difference between fear and truth.
Mandy:
Episode five?
Michael:
Episode five.
Mandy:
Complete.
Michael:
We’ll see you next time.
